Monday, October 24, 2005

As of yesterday, I am 'extremely single' again.

I'm finding this quite amusing, particularly after I recently received a flood of emails asking why on earth I still kept the words "extremely single" listed in my profile (above right) after miraculously managing to snag myself a real-life aid worker last month. Well...let's just say that a bit of realism (or is it cynicism - I can't tell anymore) seems to come with the job.

So what happened to my aid worker? Ehhhm, he' aid worker. A hero out to save the world and carve out a place for himself in history. Busy pouring over height-weight-body mass tables at all hours of the night or rushing off for days to risk life and limb as intrepid leader of an aid convoy or humanitarian delegation or what-not. Desperate to do a good job and help people...all of which is well and good of course (not to mention extremely attractive), but seems to leave him with precious little time to add any lovely new people - aka me - to his life.

I'm can practically hear you sympathise with the man here. Ok - so he has an important job. A selfless one even. And he is doing a lot of good. So what if he doesn't call, doesn't write or doesn't notice the people trying to save the world with him?

No, you're right. No big deal I suppose - the only slight drawback being that he's going to have to spend his nights alone from now on (to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure he has noticed yet). Because eventually (and after much grumbling to the other Darfur girls who have suffered a similar fate), this girl simply gave up and decided that being 'extremely single' was marginally more bearable than being 'extremely ignored'.

They may have better intentions and objectives than other men, and they may have much more noble aspirations in life. Clearly, they even have better excuses for not calling you over here in Darfur - but at the end of the day, they're still men who don't call.

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At , Blogger Mama Kali said...

All men are bastards..... sad, but true...
...even the nice ones who go out and save the world!

At , Blogger james arnold said...

How cynical!

You have left parents and loved ones worrying about your safety to address a higher cause and now you can't understand when your loved one does the same. The problem is with the psychology of aid workers, not men.

At , Blogger sleepless in sudan said...

Hmmm, interesting point.

Emotionally, I am inclined to agree with Mama Kali above (bastards, all of them!) - but on the other hand I have to concede defeat on the 'psychology of aid workers' issue. Relationships are not exactly our field of expertise.

Having said that, I think there's a fine line between doing your own thing and ignoring others completely. Trust me, life in Darfur is a whole lot easier when you have people you can relate to and share your worries with. I couldn't do it without the friends I have made here.

And hey - at least I still call my mother...

At , Blogger Vasco Pyjama said...

Oh babe... My heart so goes out to you. It's never easy having a relationship when one is an aid worker you know. It bloody sucks.

On the EXACT same day you broke up with your boy formally, I did the same. I would like to add soldier boys (as my former boy was) to the list of psychologically flawed in the relationship stakes.

I am sending many affectionate thoughts your way. It's leaving Kabul now and should arrive in Darfur by tomorrow... xoxoxo

At , Blogger Vasco Pyjama said...

Oh. One more thing, possum. I totally agree about prefering to be extremely single than extremely ignored.

With Simon (my former lad), he had the "well, I'm busy being a hero in Solomon Islands" attitude. But yeah, I'm busy being a hero in Afghanistan, but I still remember to write once in a while. Grrrrrrr.

At , Blogger Clear Creek Girl said...

I can't go along with the idea that ALL men are bastards ... though there does seem to be more than necessary.
Otherwise, I think your Blog is doing what you promised ... providing some unvarnished truth about one person's experience in a bad situation. And it's well written - with wit - and mightily interesting.

At , Blogger anonymous said...

it's funny.

there comes a time in MOST (if not all) peoples' lives when the female half of the equation hurriedly scales to the mountaintop, consumed by the exhilaration of having discovered one of life's closely guarded secrets, and shouts at the top of their lungs for all creation to hear: "ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS!"

while the 'lesser' half of said equation (and of which i am a proud card carrying member to boot) sadly, and quite predictably, arrives at a similar, and wholeheartedly more disconsolate, conclusion by yapping to all their 'buddies', over a beer and while trying to pick up even more chicks, this great 'truth' that's all of a sudden been revealed to them: "ALL women are bitches".


i know we don't really hate each other, because truth be told, i'm sure we all want the same thing, a satisfying relationship...and some good sex.

i know i do, but until then, until i'm able to find someone who's sine wave flows in sync with my cosine wave, i'll be at the local tavern ordering another round with my equally 'frustrated' brethren, and all i'm going to exclaim to anyone who's willing to listen is: "WE ALL SUCK!"

oh, and "barkeep, can i have another?"

At , Blogger Andy said...

I'm single, and it's blogs like this which keep me single. Last thing I want is to invest myself into a woman who will declare all men to be bastards.

Thankfully I have little to worry about. Women like bad guys. Then they are surprised when their men run off on them.

Take a hint girls, if your willing to sleep with a man who isn't your husband, and has made no promises to you, don't be surprised when the men you attract are ones that just want to sleep with you and keep no promises to you.

At , Blogger On The Rebound said...

If only you knew how my day was going. I was searching for one thing and I ended up here. Now you see how that might affect me!

At , Blogger D4A said...

Now I know why my friend in Holland told me patience lol

I would feel like you...were all human ; )

At , Blogger benmo said...

Im struck by a couple things here:

1)the reply by james arnold touching on the "psychology of the aid worker"
2)the wide acceptance that aid workers are commitment phobes who cant have a serious relationships

I agree that most aid workers are commitment phobes (men or women), but not just because they are aid workers. I would argue that most individuals who are candidates for the field have pre-existing problems committing to anything, let alone sexual partners. Being in the field itself only maginifies these personality traits.

Lets be honest, how many aid workers that you have met that have been dying to get into a long term relationship (or gasp! get married) or even stay on the same project for more than 6 months?

Many individuals are drawn to aid work because it provides an excellent coping mechanism for their own inabilities to make lasting commitments to places, people, and to themselves. The reality is this: dont go looking for relationships in a field filled with people who dont want them, at least not in the long run.


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